In The Blink Of An Eye
by CUtopia
Summary: Had I known that this could be my last day on earth, I would have done so much differently. But fate doesn't care how many things you still want to do, and how many things haven't been said yet, just because you didn't have the courage to voice them. Everything can be over in the blink of an eye... - Barson Angst.
1. Part 1

ATTENTION, ATTENTION, this is a safety warning. Please put your seatbelts on, angst is approaching. *grabs combat helmet and puts it on*

I may have tortured the fabulous Emily and her fresh shipper heart by making her beta this... so everyone clap for her! A big Thank You to Em :)

(1850 Words)

* * *

 **In The Blink Of An Eye**

 _When you wake up in the morning and turn over under the warm blanket with a groan, wanting nothing more to fall asleep again, you never consider that this might be your last morning. Nobody ever seems to consider that it only takes a tiny twist of fate for a particular morning to become your last one – I guess we tend to suppress thoughts like that because we would be too afraid to properly live. On the other hand, doesn't the knowledge that our life could end any moment make us live that bit more consciously? Live every moment like it's your last is a common saying._

 _Some people do that, I guess, but not me, even though I saw a lot of death in my job. Had I considered that it could be the last kiss I'd give Noah when dropping him off at daycare that morning, I would have held him in my arms longer, so that he would never forget the feeling._

 _I would have taken the time to tell my squad and Rafael how glad I am to have them as my friends and colleagues, and how proud I am of them, and so much more._

 _However, I didn't do that, because when I rolled out of bed I thought that it would be just another day on the job._

 _But as I said, everything can be over in the blink of an eye._

 _And fate doesn't care how many things you still want to do, and how many things haven't been said yet, just because you didn't have the courage to voice them._

OoO

At first, it felt like her body had gone numb and time had stopped.

Olivia was standing there, looking at the man, at the gun that was still aiming at her, seeing how a white smoke wafted from the barrel. Her body was slowly falling backwards, and she looked down, asking herself where the growing, red stain on her blouse had suddenly come from. It all seemed so surreal, and she didn't really understand what was going on here...

As her feet left the solid ground, she heard familiar voices scream, but they were muffled, as if they were far away, and she assumed that she was dreaming. Of course, this could only be a dream, because her body didn't seem to exist to her...

For a moment, she was in the air, seeing the cloudy sky above her, and remembered how excited Noah had been this morning when thick, white flakes had fallen down from this very sky... Noah... surely it was time to wake him soon...

Her back impacted on something that gave away, and suddenly, she was violently ripped out of her daze. A wet cold engulfed her, forced the air out of her lungs, and with wide eyes, she saw the surface of the Hudson River splash above her. The freezing water immediately soaked her clothes and pulled her down.

Tiny, silvery bubbles left her mouth, and though the water of the river wasn't the clearest, she could see how the bubbles were mixing with vapours of red...

And then she became aware of the pain.

It seemed like a thousand needles mercilessly pricked into the skin all over her body, mingling with the sharp, throbbing sensation at her stomach. Olivia needed an endless moment before she realised that she was bleeding, that she'd been shot...

But she didn't have the strength to panic.

In fact, her body wasn't reacting to any of the orders she gave it – not even her fingers moved, even though she wanted them to.

Almost curiously, she watched the last bubbles disappear in the thickening cloud of bloody water and she sank into the darkness, her eyes closing slowly...

OoO

If there was one thing Rafael Barba thoroughly hated, then it was Christmas shopping with his mother. Lucia Barba, on the other hand, loved to force her son to take a whole morning off so she could degrade him from Assistant District Attorney to her bag carrier. She did that every year, and she bought a lot of presents for anyone who was more or less related to them, and all Rafael could do was grit his teeth and obey.

This time, she also felt the desire to do some shopping for herself, and so he ended up sitting on a couch in front of the changing rooms of a boutique, commenting on every dress his mother tried on – and there were a lot of dresses in the boutique. While Lucia worked her way into dress number nineteen, Rafael got up from the couch to stretch his legs a bit. He was just loosening his tie with a sigh as his gaze fell onto a jewellery display, and guessing that it wouldn't do any harm to have a look – anything was better than sitting on his ass – he stepped closer.

A simple silver bracelet woke his interest; one could buy countless charms for it, turning every bracelet into something unique, and without thinking twice, he bought the bracelet and four of the tiny charms – a snowflake, a flower, a star and a heart made out of tiny ornates. As he walked back to the couch, slipping his wallet back into his pocket, Lucia was already standing there in another dress, a knowing grin on her face.

"I think I know for whom this is," she said, a little bit smug, and he glared at her, separating the fourth charm from the others. He looked down at it for a moment, and Lucia sat down next to him, sighing. "When are you finally going to tell her?"

"I don't know," he replied curtly, then he let the heart charm disappear into the breast pocket of his suit. "This colour doesn't suit you at all, mamì."

Lucia gently patted her son's shoulder before leaving him alone again. Rafael was glad that she refrained from telling him once again that she didn't like to see how he kept his feelings for Olivia hidden from the world. He loved her, had for quite some time now, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to tell her. Maybe because he was afraid of losing her as a friend if she didn't return his feelings... Or because love and everything that had to do with it was the only thing in life that Rafael Barba wasn't confident in.

"Now, how's this?" Lucia's voice ripped him from his thoughts, and he was rather thankful for that. A grin stole its way onto his face as he saw her, and then they both started to laugh. Lucia was wearing a monster of a gold, completely sequined dress that clung to her, and she seemed to enjoy how ridiculous it was.

Suddenly, his phone rung, and Rafael's expression turned from amused to irritated as he saw the name on the screen.

"Detective Tutuola, what can I do for you?"

And within the next few seconds, it seemed like the whole world came crashing down on him, ripping him out of the life he'd been living moments earlier. It only took a few rushed words from Fin to completely change everything.

OoO

A loud, steady noise made her ears ring, breaking through the darkness, and she faintly felt how rushed hands touched her, and from far far away, voices seeped into her consciousness, but they also faded as quickly as they'd come. She vaguely remembered the cold, the darkness... but now, it was all warm, the darkness seemed inviting, and she could spot a tiny light flickering in the distance, like a candle in the wind. Something pulled her towards it, and she let it happen, feeling happiness flood her insides.

It was as if somebody was taking her hand, and she could hear a laugh that was unmistakably Noah's, a tender 'Liv' from Rafael... to her it felt as if somebody was wrapping her in a blanket of comforting memories, and she wasn't afraid anymore...

Suddenly, a harsh force shot through her body and cold, clammy hands grabbed her, pulling her backwards. For a second, she couldn't breathe, and the pain returned, stronger than it had been before. She didn't want this, she wanted to go back to the comfort...

"Again, 250!" These two words echoed through the darkness, but she couldn't make sense of them.

And then, the force was there again, taking her breath away for the second time, shaking her, and all she wanted was for it to stop...

But she couldn't do anything, she was too weak to work against it, and then she faded back into the cold.

OoO

When Rafael and Lucia had arrived at the hospital, he still felt like he was in trance. The people, the conversations... everything seemed so far away, and all he could do was stand there and stare blankly, his heart aching while everybody around him was discussing what had happened.

Only snippets really reached him, forming the picture of a nightmare that had become real.

"Two bullets..."

"Hypothermia."

"Heavy blood loss."

"She barely had a pulse when I pulled her out..."

"I called Lucy to pick Noah up."

"They don't know if she'll make it."

"She wasn't breathing..."

"The nurse said they had to reanimate her several times..."

"Hit in the stomach."

"The Hudson River was barely above the freeze point..."

Rafael could feel how his chest tightened painfully, he suddenly had trouble breathing... His blood was rushing in his ears as his legs slowly started to move, carrying him away from the small group of Detectives. He was like a sleepwalker, barely registering what was happening all around him as he let his legs take him away from the place.

Oblivious to how much time had passed and how much distance he'd crossed, he stood in front of the door to Olivia's apartment, hearing Noah crying inside as he knocked. Lucy's face mirrored his distress as she let him inside without a single word; tears were gleaming in the young woman's eyes.

Slowly, the numbness inside him started to fade as he sat down on the floor where Noah was kneeling, completely ignoring his toys – it seemed like the boy was sensing that something was wrong. His eyes were puffy and red and he was still crying as Rafael carefully pulled him onto his lap, gently starting to rock.

As he started to whisper soothing words, small fingers grabbed his tie and his shirt, holding on to him as the sobs faded, and Rafael closed his eyes, exhaling a shaky breath. Tears were burning in his eyes, but he held them back. He couldn't do anything for Olivia, but he could do what she would want in this situation – be there for Noah.

And the little boy's presence soothed him too; it was as if he gave him the opportunity to hold on to a part of Olivia.


	2. Part 2

Did you seriously think I would leave you hanging like this? ;)

I'm sorry for any mistakes, this chapter wasn't betaed yet!

(3070 Words)

* * *

 **In The Blink Of An Eye**

Part 2

As she surfaced from the darkness that had surrounded her for an amount of time that had felt like an eternity, she was oddly aware of her body. She could still remember how she'd seemingly been reduced to her thoughts, and it had been an interesting experience, but it was also comforting to feel her limbs again, even though they were so heavy that she couldn't even lift a finger.

Olivia kept her eyes closed, finding that there were too many sensations rushing in at her at once to deal with, and so she tried to make sense of what she could feel and hear.

The pain she'd felt was gone, replaced by a fluffy feeling; her throat was dry, and she had a hard time staying calm as she realised that a tube was in her throat. There was a lot of noise, the beeping of the countless machines sounding oddly familiar, reassuring her that she really was alive.

For the first time she tried to open her eyes, but her lids were too heavy, not moving at all, even though she poured all her willpower into this simple movement. Maybe she would need a little bit of time until her strength would come back...

She felt a little bit sleepy, but she tried to work against it; falling asleep and not knowing when she would wake up again suddenly appeared to be a scary thought.

"Hey Liv, I'm back."

Everything inside her stilled as she heard the voice, and warmth seeped into her body as she felt someone taking her hand, gently caressing her knuckles. The touch felt familiar, and now she also noted the faint scent of an expensive cologne. She didn't need long to realise who it was, and the brief fear she'd felt disappeared; she wasn't alone, Rafael was there...

"Noah asked me again when he can come and see you... but I don't want him to see you like this. He misses you so much, Liv. We all miss you."

Liv couldn't recall a time she'd heard him talk so softly; so many emotions lay in his tone, too many to analyse all of them, but realising that he was unguarded showed her that he must have been through a lot lately. There was nothing she wanted more than to open her eyes and see his face; she didn't want him to feel sad because of her, and it pained her to hear the exhaustion in his voice.

Rafael then cleared his throat, and she could feel something cold, metallic touching her wrist. "I know, it's still a week until Christmas, but... I wanted to give this to you now."

For a moment, there was silence, and Liv refrained from wondering what his gift was, hoping that he would start to speak again... his voice was anchoring her in the conscious world, and she pulled herself towards him, clung to it...

"Noah drew you a picture again. I'll put it to the oth-... Liv?"

She'd felt it, and he'd obviously seen it.

Her eyelid had twitched, her effort of trying to move paying off finally, and she could hear the scraping of a chair; at the same time, his grip on her hand intensified, his other hand sliding around hers as well.

"Liv? Liv!"

It was a beginning, but it had also drained a lot of strength from her, and she didn't try to resist this time as she felt sleep coming over her. Rafael was there, watching over her, she was going to be okay...

OoO

It took her long to get out of the warm, comfortable daze she was in as she woke up again, feeling very different. Somebody had taken the tube from her throat, and as she tried, she was able to move her finger upon the first try. She couldn't hear anything apart from the constant beeping of the heart monitor, and her lids fluttered while a tiny bit of euphoria flooded her. The light in the room was too bright, blinding her the first few times she tried to open her eyes, and she needed a few minutes to allow her eyes to get used to it.

A tiny bit of disappointment shot through her as she realised that she was alone, but as she let her gaze wander through her patient room, her heart made a little jump of joy, and tears welled up in her eyes.

The wall opposite to her bed was literally papered with pictures that could only be from Noah. Some were clumsy attempts of a 'Get well soon' card, others seemed to show her and Noah while playing in the park, sometimes together with Lucy. Adventurous interpretations of Noah's favourite animals, ice cream cones, pizza... and one of two people reading a book, Noah's crooked writing indicating that it was Rafael and him.

Several bouquets of flowers were standing on the surfaces in the room, emitting a sweet scent, and she could see a few cards. There even was a balloon floating at the ceiling, making Olivia smile tearily – even though she'd never doubted that there were people who cared, it was wonderful to see all of this. But the best thing was something she could only see with great effort – the silver bracelet dangling around her wrist. It was beautiful, and the small charms attached to it were what she would have picked herself...

Content was prominent inside of her, and though a throbbing pain in her stomach was becoming more and more obvious, her smile didn't falter once.

OoO

Rafael felt himself drifting off, slowly following the boy snuggled into his chest into the land of dreams, as his phone suddenly buzzed loudly on the coffee table. Blinking in confusion, Rafael saw his mother reaching for his phone and answering the call before he could even try to carefully shift into an upright position. As she listened, Lucia's face lit up slowly, and she looked at her son with gleaming eyes as she disconnected the call, whispering: "She woke up."

For a moment, Rafael felt nothing, shocked by the news though he'd been waiting for them for quite some time. Then, he felt how tears started to sting in his eyes, a sob shook his chest, ripping Noah from his slumber. With sleepy eyes, the boy looked up at Rafael, and he smiled at Noah, smoothing down his hair.

"Rafi?" Noah asked, cocking his head to the side and touching Rafael's cheek as a few tears dripped onto it.

"I'm okay, buddy. Your mama woke up," he replied softly, sitting up while holding Noah. It was as if a heavy weight had been taken off his shoulders, and the feeling of relief that started to spread inside of him was the best he'd felt in quite some time.

"Wanna see mama," Noah exclaimed with a smile, his brown eyes sparkling with joy, and for a moment, Rafael forgot how late it already was, feeling tempted to grab the boy and rush to the hospital with him.

"It's bedtime for you, Noah. I'm sure your mama is sleepy too, so how about I go and see how she's doing, and if everything is good, you can see her tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Noah answered with a sigh, and Rafael nodded, carefully standing up to carry him into his room. It hadn't been easy in the last time to make everything as easy as possible for Noah; Lucy and him had agreed that he shouldn't see his mother in this hospital bed, pale, attached to scary machines and infusions, in need of artificial respiration. This had made Noah miss her even more, and it had nearly broken his heart to see Noah cry, asking for his mommy again and again.

And now, she was awake but he still couldn't see her... but at least an ending was in sight.

After putting Noah to bed and promising again that he would get to see his mother tomorrow, Rafael rushed into the living room to grab his coat, his mother already standing by the door to hand it to him with a knowing smile.

OoO

Rafael's heart was starting to race again as he walked down the hospital hallway like he'd done so many times before lately, and he didn't really know why he was feeling nervous – she was okay, she was finally awake...

His hand was shaking as he softly knocked at the door and then entered the patient room, Liv's sleepy smile seemingly being the best sight in the world.

"Hey," he greeted her as he closed the door behind him and made his way over to his usual chair by her side, briefly patting her hand as he sat down. "It's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling slow-juiced like a koala bear," Olivia replied, her voice sounding weak, but he could see a little bit of happiness inside her brown eyes. "Where's Noah?"

"At home, sleeping. My mother is looking after him." Rafael smiled softly at her, then he gingerly stood up and leaned over her. "By the way, he told me to give you something."

He placed a short peck on her cheek before sitting again, trying not to think of the way his lips tingled and how his heart had made a short jump when he'd touched her cheek. Trying to get the awkwardness away that he was feeling, he added: "He really missed you a lot, but Lucy and I thought that maybe he shouldn't see you like this, with all these machines."

Tears were glistening in Olivia's brown eyes as her fingers searched for his hand, and he gently took it, squeezing it. "Thank you... that you were there for him."

Rafael could feel himself blushing, and his gaze wandered around in the room for a moment, trying to avoid hers; there were so many things that he wanted to say, why Noah had been the only reason he hadn't lost his mind after spending hours sitting next to her, hoping that she would open her eyes if he only talked with her.

"It made me feel like I could do something," he admitted carefully, trying to guard his emotions; she'd just woken from a coma, she didn't need to hear just yet how awful the last two weeks had been for all of them. How Carisi had blamed himself for what had happened and Amanda tried to keep him from falling into a mild depression. How Fin and Sergeant Dodds had tried to keep the squad together. How both Lucy and him had suffered from insomnia during the earlier days, asking themselves what would happen to Noah if Olivia died.

How afraid he was of losing her without having had the chance to tell her that he loved her.

She didn't need to be told about all the sorrow and concern at this point, all she needed to know was that everyone had tried to be there, in their own way.

OoO

When Rafael was asked to leave by the doctors about half an hour later, Olivia felt a little bit empty on the inside. She'd been able to sense that Rafael was holding something back, that he wasn't telling her something, but she also hadn't wanted him to go. Seeing him, talking to him ensured her that she was really alive and that everything would be okay. The doctors had already informed her about what had happened, that she'd looked death in the eye more than once during the last two weeks, and it had scared her to think about what would have been with Noah.

But now she knew that her friends wouldn't have left him on his own – not that she would ever have doubted that – and only upon hearing from Rafael that everything was as fine as it could in this situation did she feel like she was coming back to life.

Before finally falling asleep, she stared at the bracelet, a warm feeling spreading inside of her, and she doze off with a smile on her lips.

The next morning was filled with examinations and the doctors giving her further information about her rehabilitation, and it made her head feel fuzzy. She could barely keep herself under control; all she wanted was to see her little boy again and get out of the hospital as soon as possible.

Tears of joy once again rolled down her cheeks as the door to her room finally opened and Noah, followed by Rafael and Lucia, entered, and she sobbed as Rafael lifted Noah onto the bed so she could hug him. Her son clung to her, his little fingers curled into her hospital gown, and through the tears, she looked at Rafael and Lucia, mouthing her gratefulness to them, and she was sure that she could spot Rafael taking a few shaky breaths.

OoO

One day before Christmas, Olivia was allowed to leave the hospital to rest at home, and when Rafael unlocked the door to her apartment – he'd insisted on picking her up though she would have taken a cab anyway – she was met by a wonderful sight. All her friends and colleagues were standing in her living room, cheering as she entered, and it seemed like they were celebrating the opening of a Christmas decorations shop.

A big Christmas tree was standing in the corner, decorated with so much tinsel and glittery ornaments that she felt blinded, there were lights everywhere, and it smelled heavenly like cinnamon and cocoa. Under the tree, she could spot a good dozen of neatly wrapped presents, and Noah was sitting next to them in a sweater that had a reindeer on the front, looking like he wanted nothing more than to tear the paper off.

"We thought we should make a small party to celebrate your release," Rafael said behind her, sounding a little bit sheepish as he put her bag down in the hallway, and Olivia's mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to find the right words to say, but then she opted to hug him, fighting against tears once again. It moved her to see that all the people she cared about were basically throwing a part of their Christmas plans overboard just to be with her the day she came out of the hospital. Of course it didn't need a drama for them to show each other that they were close like a family despite their differences, but it still made her tear up.

"Oh come on, Barba, don't act like it wasn't all your idea!" Fin exclaimed, grinning smugly before moving over to hug Olivia next, and she threw Rafael a glance, her heart jumping as he blushed ever so slightly.

The afternoon passed too fast for her liking; they ate Christmas cookies together and drank hot chocolate and punch and some smaller presents were being exchanged shortly before the first ones left again, having to travel for some time to get to their families for their Christmas celebrations.

It was already dark outside when only Rafael was left, cleaning up the mugs and dishes so Olivia could get some rest. She was lying on the couch with Noah in her arms, careful that he didn't touch the wounds at her stomach, and she was thanking the universe that she was able to hold her son again. There was so much she was glad about that she wouldn't know where to start if she were able to give back for all the love and help she'd received lately...

"Hey Noah, amigo, it's time for bed," Rafael's soft voice ripped her from her thoughts, and Noah pressed a kiss onto her cheek.

"Night mama!"

"Good night, baby," she whispered back, smiling as she ruffled Noah's hair before he jumped onto Rafael's back, an action they both seemed to be used to. Maybe, a voice in the back of her head murmured, maybe you know exactly where to start.

Twenty minutes later, Rafael came from Noah's room and sat down next to her, so her body was leaning against his side. It felt good, she found, and she smiled up at him as he asked: "How are you feeling?"

"Tired... but wonderful," she mumbled, grimacing as she carefully sat up. "Rafael... I don't know how I could ever..."

He interrupted her by shaking his head. "You don't have to do something in return, except getting healthy again, and you know that."

For a long moment there was silence hanging in the air between them, and then she said: "But I can thank you for the bracelet again. It's beautiful."

"I..." Rafael hesitated for a moment, then he slipped his fingers into the small breast pocket of his waistcoat, pulling something out. "I have something more for it. I..."

Olivia couldn't remember a time where she'd seen him at a loss of words, and her heart sped up as he opened his hand and revealed a tiny, ornate heart charm lying in his palm. His green eyes were somewhat vulnerable as he quietly said: "I nearly lost you."

She held his gaze, and like so often, a silent conversation seemed to happen between them; he didn't need to say it out loud so she knew what he meant, and her breathing hitched before she leaned over to him, their faces only inches apart. He glanced down at her lips and then back to her eyes, and she knew that it was time to confess something. "When I thought I was about to die... there were only two things I could think of. Noah, and... and how I regretted that I hadn't been able to tell you how I feel about you."

"That's something I regretted, too," he answered, his warm breath ghosting over her lips before he kissed her, appearing nearly tentative as he cupped her face with one hand. There was so much love and affection in his kiss that she felt dizzy, but she also loved the feeling, and she was convinced that only now did she really feel like she was alive.

THE END


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